Someone shit on the floor
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
