Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
