Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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