Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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