its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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