She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
