Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
