I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
