thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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