Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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