question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
