I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just had sex on a roof
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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