My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
