If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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