belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
