you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh god it's open bar.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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