Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
