I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
