you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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