that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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