Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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