like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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