tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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