Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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