I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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