OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
