Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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