did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
