Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
