u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
