xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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