It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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