its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize