Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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