Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So squirting runs in the family.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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