i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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