Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
