I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
