Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
