Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
