took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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