Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
