Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
