Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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