sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
