Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize