So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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