Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
