This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
