if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
