jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
