I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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