Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
