bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize