I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
