I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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