i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
