I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
