yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
