Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
