just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
