Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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