a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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