yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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