I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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