and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
