dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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