So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
there is glitter all over my balls
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
