hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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