I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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