May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
